Cathartic Letters For Anger
A Cathartic Letter for Anger is a letter that you write addressed directly to the person you are mad at as if they are going to read it. In it, you have to express your anger as forcefully as you can. Cursing, cheap shots, old wounds, everything is allowed (and encouraged) so that the letter will be more cathartic. You basically want to rant and rave. Once you are done writing the letter, you must then immediately delete or otherwise destroy it.
Writing the letter is helpful, and deleting it is helpful.
Writing it is helpful because it helps you fully experience your anger and complete and explore your thoughts (rather than going in circles, as often happens when you are ranting in your head). When I write, it is mostly stream-of-consciousness. They are not always complete sentences and I don’t spell-check. Usually, I keep writing until it starts to sound repetitive, too extreme, or I start spontaneously defending the person (I might say to myself “Come on. They’re not that bad”).
Deleting it right away is also helpful because not only because it helps you symbolically “get rid” of the anger, but also because it frees you to be more expressive when you are writing it. I used to keep cathartic letters, but I found that I would censor myself when I was writing them. It wasn’t that I was afraid the person would find it, it was more that I would be embarrassed to read it myself later. Ever since I committed to deleting the letter immediately after I finished writing it, it has freed me to express more anger and so it has been more cathartic. It also helps decrease my guilt when I am writing the letter. By deleting it, it is clear that my purpose is to get rid of my anger, rather than hanging on to it.
How does it work?
"Cathartic" means “providing psychological relief through the open expression of strong emotions”. Interestingly enough, emotions do not necessarily need to be received in order to count as being “openly expressed”. Just writing your emotions on paper “as if” the recipient will read it is enough. The key behind Cathartic Letters (and all exposure-based techniques) is that voluntarily feeling emotions is what helps us process them (which helps them go away).
Try it now to see how well it works for you. You can write a cathartic letter to a person you are mad at, an institution (i.e. a company), a concept (i.e. being ill), or even to yourself.
For the next five minutes, write a letter where you express anger directly to a person or entity that makes you mad. Once the five minutes are up, immediately delete or destroy the letter.
OK. I tried it!
What happened?
If you were not able to generate anger, or the anger never went down at all, then this technique is probably the wrong fit for you.
If you were able to feel and express significant anger, and now you feel relieved, then this technique worked well for you. Try it the next time you notice yourself ranting in your head.
When should I write Cathartic Letters for Anger?
This is a technique I use to help process and diffuse anger. I use it specifically when I find that I am ranting or having “fake arguments” in my head, especially when it is making it hard for me to relax. After using this technique, I am usually still angry at the person in question, but they are no longer occupying my downtime.
This technique also often helps me clarify what I am really angry about in the first place, which then may naturally lead to me being more assertive directly to the person in question.